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Here’s what I’d like to say to Mr. and Mrs. Bush – and maybe your family, too

This is an article written by Jenny Buckley, RN, our Community Outreach Coordinator. Jenny writes an insightful blog, HOPEspot. We are cross-posting with her permission.

George H.W. and Barbara Bush celebrate 72 years of marriage.

George H.W. and Barbara Bush celebrate 72 years of marriage.

I’ll always be passionate about promoting awareness for hospice. Often times, when a “celebrity” or well known public figure dies, I’m always curious if hospice was involved. The last most notable example that I can recall was Elizabeth Edwards, as she succumbed to her battle against breast cancer. In death, as in life, Ms. Edwards took her unfair blows with grace and dignity and chose to have her life end at home surrounded by family. I wish the collective “we” talked more about her choice for that than about the poor choices her ex-husband made prior to her death.

As I’ve said many times, I often have the privilege of being the first one called to talk to patients and families about the benefit of hospice. Some are receptive, many are not.

Today, I really wish I had the opportunity to speak with former President George H.W. Bush and his wife, Barbara. I adore and admire this couple and would like them to have the opportunity to consider hospice. And I’d like to share with you the importance of this “imaginary” conversation, regardless of your politics- please. I’d like you to pay attention because former President Bush’s situation may turn out to be similar to someone you love.

George Herbert Walker Bush was the 41st President of the United States of America. Prior to his term as president, Mr. Bush was Vice President, Director of the CIA, Chairman of the RNC and Ambassador to the United Nations. He enlisted into the US Navy after the attack on Pearl Harbor and was the youngest naval aviator at that time. Mr. Bush was shot down over the Pacific but survived on a raft until being rescued by a US aircraft carrier. George married Barbara after returning home and enrolling at Yale where he graduated Phi Beta Kappa. George and Barbara had six kids, one of whom died of leukemia at age six, and one of whom became the 43rd President of the United States. In February of 2011, President Barack Obama awarded former President Bush with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. And finally, on June 12, 2014, on the occasion of his ninetieth birthday, former President Bush went skydiving for the 8th time.

And those are just some of the high points in the life of George H. W. Bush.

Now, life has dealt the former President some inevitable mortal blows. George H. W. Bush now has vascular Parkinsonism and is confined to a wheelchair. In 2015 he fell in Kennebunkport and sustained a fracture in his cervical spine. In 2017, he has been hospitalized three times for complications related to pneumonia, once requiring external ventilation.

He is currently hospitalized and has been since April 14th. As of this writing, we are on day 12. That’s a long time.

I’m not a doctor, but age and current presentation give me confidence in stating President Bush is on a pathway towards end of life. While unfortunate, that seems certain. I don’t know how soon, but recent history seems to indicate we are in for a bumpy landing. I wish I could speak to him and his lovely wife about the opportunity they could take to embrace hospice care: stop the recurrent hospitalizations, be at home with their beloved family, and be an example, yet again, of courage and dignity.

At the inauguration of the 41st President, Mr. Bush stated, “I come before you and assume the Presidency at a moment rich with promise. We live in a peaceful, prosperous time, but we can make it better…”

I’d really like to be invited into the Bush’s living room. They’d probably be uncomfortable, everyone is when the ‘hospice girl’ shows up, but I imagine they’d be gracious. I’d like to look at their family pictures and pet their dog (if they still have one) and be clear that I am friend, not foe. I’d like to inquire with genuine empathy about the ‘patient’s’ current state of health and ask him about his daily sock selection.

We are all human in the living room.

And then I’d like to sit down and use the sentiment of the statement made at his own inauguration: even at a peaceful time, we can make things better.

I’d like to address Mr. And Mrs. Bush just Iike I have so many other families. I’d like to acknowledge the bummer of failing health and I’d like to introduce the possibility of a different end chapter.

I’d inquire about what re-hospitalization is like for him and how disruptive and potentially uncomfortable it is. I’d ask Mrs Bush about her fears regarding her husband’s health and what it is like for her listening to him breathe in the middle of the night.

Perhaps we would discuss what the couple understands about the former President’s prognosis and what their goals are.

I’d like to ask the former President about what he wishes for his legacy. Surely, someone who has spent so much of his life in service, and is so devoted to his family, likely cares about how people will remember him. I’d like to spend a long time listening to his response because it might take him awhile to respond. Its not an easy question.

Maybe someone who has had such a super human existence would not want to discuss issues surrounding mortality and end of life care. But it would be hard for me to imagine someone who spoke so publicly about what really matters in life, as Mrs. Bush has, wouldn’t want to consider quality of life support.

Mr and Mrs Bush might initially be put off by my questions, but I doubt it. Most often, couples in their situation are relieved at the possibility of in home support. It would be hard for me to believe that they don’t understand, on some level, that sweet George is in a terminal process.

So after airing the discomfort and acknowledging the sadness, I would love to think that I could bring Mr and Mrs Bush to a place of understanding that hospice could help support each of them and keep the former President HOME and out of crisis. Nature is going to take its course, regardless. Like any family, we might need to schedule a follow up meeting with the adult children and grandchildren to confirm we are all on the same page, but if experience is any indicator, all parties will be relieved by an agreed upon plan.

SO, if you have read this far, I really hope that you haven’t wondered if I’m caught up in a “celebrity fantasy”. I do admire former President Bush and have great hope some palliative care resource will reach out to his family. My intent in sharing this illustration is very clear: do you have an aging loved one who’s endured multiple hospitalizations? Does someone close to you have health issues and needs to define goals? Do you understand how UN-intimidating a “hospice” conversation could be?

Because here is my message: George H. W. Bush has served this country in numerous and extraordinary ways. If he and his family might accept hospice care and demonstrate the bravery and dignity of this choice, he and they, by example, might make their best contribution yet. An American hero, to be sure.